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Whenever Daisy, five, and Bella, three, left their great-grandmother’s house, they would always run their fingers along her garden ornaments of ladybirds on their way down the path. “They also called her ‘Nan’ and they had a fantastic relationship – as strong as their bond with their own grandma,” says their mother, Lynsey Rogers, 34.
When the independent 85-year-old died suddenly at the end of January, it came as a huge shock. Lynsey was devastated but was also determined to help her two little girls to process their own loss in the most constructive way.
“Nan had a very short illness – too short to prepare the girls for. We only had a day or two before we lost her,” says Lynsey.
“Family was the be all-and-end-all for her. The rest of the time she enjoyed gardening and anything she wanted to do. She was very youthful.”
Determined to find the best way for her daughters to grieve, the primary school teacher from Harrogate in North Yorkshire started to do some research.
“I was very upset, and I knew the children would be led by me, so I spoke to Daisy’s teacher and also googled what to say.”
She discovered being frank with children about loss was advisable.
“The website said to explain what death is and that it is not ‘going to sleep’. It suggested drawing pictures and writing letters if upset. So, the girls and I sat down together and did just that.”
Daisy decided to express her grief in a colourful drawing depicting the ladybird ornament that she associated with her loving “Nan” who she had seen at least twice a week since she was born. But the bright little girl had a pressing concern.
“She said to me, ‘How can we get them to her?’” continues Lynsey.
“At that stage, I didn’t want to suggest putting their drawings in the coffin, because I didn’t want that image to be in her head. I thought about releasing them on a helium balloon, but was worried about the environmental impact, and I considered putting them in a normal postbox.”
It was then that Lynsey’s friend Laurel told her about “postboxes to heaven” – white postboxes springing up around the country where loved ones can post messages and cards.
Says Lynsey: “I asked on a Facebook group if Harrogate had one of these.”
One of the replies she received was from Sharon Canavar, CEO of arts charity Harrogate International Festivals, whose husband Tim is a funeral director.
“Sharon said, ‘Leave it with me’, and a fortnight later she told me they had installed a special white postbox, and to please come and use it whenever we wanted to.”
The day after the funeral, Lynsey took her girls and their drawings to Hubert Swainson Funeral Services near the town centre in Harrogate, where the white postbox had been fixed to a stone wall on the pavement for anyone to use.
Says Lynsey, who is engaged to Richard Summers, 34, the children’s father: “I didn’t want the girls to go to the funeral because I felt they were too young, but I did want them to have closure. It was a lovely sunny day and I explained where we were going.
“Putting the drawings in the postbox wasn’t a sad experience. As soon as we got back in the car, Daisy said, ‘Can we do another one and post it another day?’
“We’ve gone twice since. And we’ve read a book called The Invisible Strength, about how even when someone is gone you can be part of their life, and we intend to share photos and to make Nan a birthday card. We’re not a practicing religious family, unlike Nan, but I have found the idea of heaven and the afterlife very comforting at this time.
“The drawings are conversation-starters which have enabled the girls to learn that it is OK to be sad but also to be happy about the lovely moments they shared.”
Meanwhile, a post that Lynsey added to the Harrogate Facebook group about the installation of the white postbox has attracted huge interest, with hundreds of likes and comments.
“It is a lovely legacy, to think that our loss has helped others,” she adds. “Nan would have loved the postbox idea, so to know that other people can be helped by something we have helped put in place is really comforting.”
Funeral director Tim Canavar, the fifth generation of his family running Hubert Swainson, says the reaction to the postbox has been “incredible”.
“We empty it every two days. The letters are never opened. They can be placed in the coffin, if families wish and we have contacted a local memorial woodland to ask if they can accept paper for compost.” The first Letters to Heaven postbox is believed to have been unveiled in December 2022 at Gedling Crematorium near Nottingham, the brainchild of nine-year-old Matilda Handy, whose mother, Leanne, is a memorial adviser there.
Leanne’s father died in 2003 and her mother 14 years later.
“Matilda was always saying she wished she could send Mamma and Grandad birthday and Christmas cards for them to read,” Leanne said. “She was four when my mum died and they had a very loving relationship. She never met my dad.
“We were thrilled by the positive response to the postbox and had some amazing comments from members of the community about the comfort they gained from writing letters and cards.”
Since then, the white postboxes have been unveiled across the country. The launch of the first one attracted huge attention and Matilda was invited by Rishi Sunak to a reception at 10 Downing Street where she received the Prime Minister’s Point of Light Award in March 2023. In October 2023, she was awarded the British Citizenship Youth Award and medal at the Palace of Westminster.
In Derbyshire, Chesterfield Borough Council installed four of the special postboxes at sites around the town last year at the urging of Tina Harris Horner, who wanted to help her nephew Luca deal with the loss of his grandparents.
Funeral director Sophie Nias-Cooper, who works at Chris White Funeral Directors in Wilton, Wiltshire, which installed a Letters to Heaven postbox last month, says: “Studies have shown that you feel better by writing your thoughts and feelings down, good or bad. No one will ever read them. They go into the postbox and are eventually shredded and composted, so there’s no shame.”
After researching the most appropriate and respectful way of managing the letters long-term, all crematoria operated by Westerleigh Group have invested in a technique to turn the letters into compost used in their memorial gardens.
“The very special soil created from the letters helps enhance the ecosystem of our beautiful grounds for all to enjoy,” says a spokesperson.
“We know, from the feedback we have received, that people gain considerable comfort and emotional benefit through the act of writing and posting the messages.”
Whether it is a letter or a drawing of a much-loved ladybird ornament, the comfort can be immense.
